Racing Hearts and Sweaty Palms
by Deviepooh
Summary: Ashley is in a relationship, when someone new and mysterious comes into her life. What will she do when she cant get this person off of her mind?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- I decided to try to write another story. Taking a different approach this time. Im thinking about doing it all in Ashley's POV. What do you guys think about that?**

**I don't own SoN.**

(Ashley's POV)

October, 25 2008

Dear Diary,

God, that sounds so stupid, like I'm writing to some nonexistent person in hopes that one day they will write me back with the solution to all of my problems, all the answers to my endless questions. I guess I should tell you about myself. My name is Ashley Davies. I'm an upcoming senior in high school. I'm gay. I have a girlfriend. Her name is Kayla. We've been together for about 4 months. She is not my first girlfriend, and will not be my last. I like dating Kayla because it's easy. She likes to show me off. We hardly spend any alone time together, and if we do it's because we're both drunk and we end up having lustful sex. That's all it ever is. And I'm perfectly okay with it.

I have 1 sister. Her name is Kyla. We fight sometimes but in the end we always make up. She has helped me through a lot, and I try to do the same for her. My mom is totally cool. She's open minded to everything and accepts me for who I am. I love her for that. Aiden, he's my GBF. If you don't know what that means, or can't figure it out its Gay Best Friend. I've known him since I started school. Hell, we even dated off and on. That is until I figured out I liked girls. We never had sex, which I'm proud of. When Aiden told me he was gay I was so shocked. I had known him for so long that I guess I never picked up on his gay tendencies. You know like, always wanting to go shopping with Kyla and I, the way his voice got high pitched and he threw his hands up in the air when he was excited, and the hair gel..oh god. He took longer to get ready than I did. I consider him family. He knows me better than anyone else in the world.

Well that's a little about me. Im sure I'll forget to write in this for a while. I was never good at doing something routinely.

-End Diary-

-A few days later-

I was sitting at my house bored and Kayla was in the bathroom doing lord only knows what, when her cell phone vibrated. I couldn't resist the urge to be nosey so I flipped it open and read the new text message that had just arrived.

**Hey, whats up cutie? –Spencer.**

Who the hell is Spencer? I don't know this person, but I'm assuming it's a girl. I text back.

**This "cutie" is her girlfriend Ashley. Who the hell are you?**

**Oh, I'm sorry! Kayla and I are old friends, we go way back. I didn't mean anything by what I said. –Spencer.**

Well, I don't like this girl. Anyone that has a past with Kayla, definitely shouldn't be in the future. I wonder why Kayla hasn't told me about Spencer. Right on cue, she walks back into my room. She sees her cell phone in my hand and asks what I'm doing. I let her read the conversation and she's mad that I thought she was talking to someone behind my back. She says I need to meet her. She actually calls her to set up a date for me to meet her. We decide on a day and time. We're going to the movies to see Step Brothers. I don't know if I'm excited about that or not.

**Okay guys, I need feedback. I have a storyline in my head and im trying my best to put it into words. I think this story will be better than the last one I had. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**.HEART-Thank you for the review! Hope this chapter satisfies you enough. Lol.**

**I don't own SoN. But I do own the storyline and "Kayla". Review please!**

**(Ashley's POV)**

November 2nd, 2008 6:00 p.m.

Dear Paper (that sounds better, right?),

Today is the day that I have to meet that Spencer girl. It's now 6 o'clock and the movie starts at 7:15, I think. I'm trying to figure out what to wear. Should I dress up? Sure. I decided on dark skinny jeans, a white shirt and a black blazer over top of that. It seemed dressy, but casual at the same time. Time to take a shower and get ready. I have to pick up Kayla at 6:45. Goodbye paper.

-End Diary-

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We arrived at the movies right on time. I bought two tickets, one for me and one for Kayla, of course. We were standing in the lobby waiting for this Spencer girl. I didn't know what to look for. She said she had long blonde hair, but a lot of people have that these days. Damn blondes. I wasn't really paying attention to what was going on until I heard someone say my name. It was Kayla and she was yanking me somewhere. To Spencer I was guessing. Before I could protest, Kayla was getting half knocked on her ass, and on her way down guess who she pulled with her? Yeah, of course. Me. Unlike her though I did fall. Pretty hard if I say so myself. Way to make a good first impression Spencer. Kayla offered her hand to help me up but I, not so politely, declined. I got up and finally got a chance to take a look at her. I had to blink a few times to make sure what I was seeing was actually reality and not some figment of my wandering imagination. Maybe it was that fall. I could have bumped my head. But no. I can't make excuses for this. There was an actual goddess standing in front of me apologizing. Let me describe her. About 5'7'' if I had to guess on the spot. Blonde hair, down about 5 inches below her shoulder. All natural, I could tell. The bluest eyes I have ever seen in my life. Straight white teeth and a bangin' tan. What she was wearing was very simple. A blue tank top with a black one underneath and kaki Bermuda shorts. Oh and she had on black flip flops. Yeah I definitely gave her a good up and down look. Somewhere in between me falling and her apologizing I zoned out. The next thing I knew I was getting fingers snapped in my face. Maybe this night won't be so bad…

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Tree (hey that's what paper comes from right?),

My night was amazing. I missed half of the movie though. I couldn't stop myself from staring at her. Im glad it was a funny movie because every time she laughed she got the cutest dimples in her cheeks. They were so cute that I was making jokes the whole night, just to see them again and again. When we decided to go our separate ways, she hugged Kayla and she hugged me as well. It wasn't a very long hug. Just a casual hug. But that's all it took for me to catch the scent of her. I don't know what it was, but it's now my most favorite smell in the world. Oh, I forgot about Kayla. I wrote this whole entry and hardly mentioned her. What the hell. This can't be good.

**Review please! I need your thoughts. I actually went through a situation like this, and that's what im basing it on. BTW. I have nothing against blondes but I thought it would add some humor to the story. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry it took so long to update, my birthday was yesterday and I've been running around a lot. Anyways, here's the next chapter!**

November 10th, 2008

Dear Diary,

It's been over a week since I first met Spencer. 8 days since I felt my heart break over someone I could never have. I know it's wrong. I have a girlfriend and I'm crushing on her best friend. Great. Tomorrow Kayla and I are supposed to go to dinner with her, then we're going to chill at the park, I guess. It was Spencer's idea. Being stuck in this situation I decided to write some lyrics.

_I see you  
I'm waiting to make my move  
But i'm scared  
And I know that you got  
Better things to do  
I'll touch your hand  
And i'm wearing my heart on my sleeve  
It's cliché I know  
But baby it's the price we pay  
To get the things we've wanted  
To get the things we've left behind  
It's what you've wanted  
What you needed  
What you've always dreamt about  
Don't take another step  
And don't breathe another breath_

I'm trusting you  
And i'm taking the long way home  
I'm leaving  
It's not because of you  
Will you just hold me tight  
And never let me go?  
I know this whole things wrong  
But baby, we're invincible

If I could take these words  
And fill them up with air  
I'd fly you to the stars  
So we can disappear  
If I could take your heart  
And keep it close to me  
I swear it will not break  
I swear it will not bleed  
And I  
Believe  
Just anything you say  
If you would tell me to get lost  
I'd ask "how far away?"  
And now its getting late  
And i can't keep my eyes open  
My hearts open for you

I'm trusting you  
And i'm taking the long way home  
I'm leaving  
It's not because of you  
Will you just hold me tight  
And never let me go?  
I know this whole things wrong  
But baby, we're invincible

Will you just hold me tight  
And never let me go?  
I know this whole things wrong  
But baby, we're invincible

Will you just hold me tight (I see you)  
And never let me go? (I'm waiting to make my move)  
I know this whole things wrong (But i'm scared and I know)  
But baby, we're invincible (That you got better things to do)

I'm trusting you (If I could take these words)  
And i'm taking the long way home (And fill them up with air)  
I'm leaving (I'd fly you to the stars)  
It's not because of you (So we can disappear)  
Will you just hold me tight (If I could take your heart)  
And never let me go (and keep it close to me)  
I know this whole things wrong (I swear it will not break)  
But baby, we're invincible (I swear it will not bleed)

I have never really been able to express how I feel very well. So, I started writing it down. Eventually I got pretty good at it, and I started using the lyrics with a guitar. From there I moved onto a keyboard. Music is now my escape. Its my own little thing and I never play for anyone. I like it that way.

-The next day-

I'm on my way to pick up Kayla and then head out to Applebee's to meet up with Spencer. I'm not gonna lie, I'm way too excited but I'm trying to hide it. We arrive and find Spencer already there with a table ready for us. She looks lovely. She has a cute yellow sundress on and her hair is wavy. I sit in the same booth with Kayla and Spencer is directly across from me. We exchange small talk until the waitress comes over to take our orders. I get wings, Kayla gets a salad and Spencer gets pasta. We're eating, when I feel a leg rub against my own. It startled me and I jumped a little. Kayla gives me a weird look and goes back to eating. Spencer just chuckled and blushed slightly, before I felt the leg rubbing mine again. I can't hold back a grin so I cover it up saying that a little kid just threw food on his parents.

After dinner we go to the park and decide to swing. I get in the middle of Spencer and Kayla on purpose. Kayla takes my hand, and starts swinging.

"Kayla, can I hold your girlfriends hand too?" Spencer asked Kayla.

"Sure, as long as that's all youre planning on doing!" Kayla replies laughing.

The next thing I know my hand is being grasped by Spencer. She intertwines our fingers and I notice how soft her hands are. My heart starts racing. Come on Ash, get a hold of yourself!


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's the next chapter. Oh, the song in the previous post was by A Rocket to the Moon.**

Dear Diary,

Is it wrong that when I hold her, I wish I was holding someone else? Am I damned because I picture her in my head every night before I go to sleep? Do I deserve her? Oh my dearest Diary, won't you answer my questions?

I want to do it right with her. I want to work for her. I want to make her want me like I want her. I want to give her the world on a silver platter. So many things I picture in my mind, that will never happen. Or maybe they will. Maybe I need to stop WANTING and start DOING.

That was my rant. I finally got Spencer's number and since she was on my mind, which she always is, I decided to text her.

**Hey you, what's up? –ash**

**Nothing, nothing. Where's Kayla? I'm bored and I need company =[ -spencer**

**Kayla's out with her parents right now, but I could always keep you company? –ash**

**Ok, meet me at the park. –spencer.**

That was our conversation. Now I'm sitting here wondering why I haven't left to meet her in the park? Bye Diary.

I got in my Mustang GT, threw it in drive and headed to the park. I was pretty nervous so I decided to light up a cig. It's a bad habit, I know. But I only smoke when I'm depressed or nervous. Sometimes when I'm drunk too.

I pulled into the parking lot and looked for her car. She drove a black Altima. I found it and walked over to see if she was sitting in her car. She wasn't. Hmm, where could she be? I walked into the park and scanned the people. I always liked the park. I liked watching parents chasing their kids around. I wondered if I would ever get to that point in my life.

I knew Spencer liked the swings so I went in that direction. Sure enough she was there, swinging. The sun shined off of her gorgeous blonde hair, and tanned skin. I walked up behind her without her noticing and on her way back I slapped her ass and yelled "BOO". She almost fell out of the swing.

"Hey Ashley, you almost killed me!" She said with a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"I know, I'm sorry. That's for you making me look for you."

"Oh, sorry. Want to swing with me?" She asked and crooked her head to the side. How could I say no?

"You know it Blondie" was my reply. I must be losing my touch with women, who would say something like that. Geesh.

We swung for a few minutes, laughing and making jokes about the people around us. She grabbed my hand. I guess she liked holding hands while she swung. I guess I do too. Spencer was in the middle of saying something when a little girl walked up to us and asked if she could use the swing. Gladly we let her. She was adorable. We started to walk away when a blonde woman came up to us, I'm guessing it was the child's mother.

"I'm so sorry about that, you don't have to give up your swings for her if you don't want to." She was very nice.

Spencer spoke before I could. "It's no problem really, she was too adorable to deny." Good one.

"You're sweet, so are you two together?"

Spencer looked between the woman and I, wondering what to say so I decided to step up.

"No, we're just friends" I said looking at the ground, glancing over at Spencer who's face seemed to drop a little.

"You guys would make the most lovely couple" the woman said with a sparkle in her eye. I couldn't help but to smile. Spencer smiled too.

Then another woman walked up to us, she was a brunette, and put her arm around the blonde.

The blonde spoke. "This is my wife, Jesse. Oh and I'm Stephanie." They both held out their hands and their warm smiles seemed to invite both myself and Spencer in. We shook the women's hands.

"I'm Ashley, This is Spencer."

"It's very nice to meet the both of you. We're here at the park just about every other day with Braylin. Hopefully we'll run into you two again soon, but as for right now we have a hyper daughter to take care of." Jesse said.

We shared a laugh and watched them go to the swings and push little Braylin around.

Spencer tugged me along and we walked in silence for a while before she decided to speak.

"So that was kind of cute" She said giggling.

"Oh yeah, how do you figure that?"

"She thought we were together, and obviously thinks we should get together."

"How is that cute?"

"Never mind, Ash." She said and turned away from me. Her arms crossed and her head arched down low.

"Spencer, what is wrong?" I asked and put my arm on the small of her back.

"Nothing is wrong. Look, I need to go home. Thanks for coming to hang out with me. It was fun." She said and started walking in the opposite direction.

"Wait, at least let me walk you to your car?" I jogged to catch up with her.

We got to her car and she was about to open the door to get in before I pulled her into a hug. A big hug. She pulled away with a weird look on her face. I started to turn around before she pulled me closer and kissed me on the forehead.

"I'll text you later, alright?" She smiled.

"Sure, I'll be waiting for it" I said and gave her a squeeze before going back to my car.

I sat there for 30 minutes replaying what had happened in my head. Her actions confused me. Maybe I just overanalyze everything way too much. Maybe she didn't mean anything by what she said. Maybe she did. I'll just have to wait and find out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the reviews guys. FYI, my version of Spencer is very confusing. I just posted a 1shot too. So read/review that. ******** It's called A Year From Now. Here's the next chapter!**

Dear Diary,

It's been 5 days since the incident in the park with Spencer. Remember how she said she would text me later? She must have meant much much later than I thought. I'm still waiting for a text from her. I've texted her a few times. Hell, I even tried calling her once. No response. I've been trying to keep her off my mind. I've been trying to forget the way she makes me nervous, or how my heart races at the very mentioning of her name. I've been trying to hide how I feel from Kayla. I guess I should end things with her because obviously there is nothing there for me. I shouldn't stay with her when I am falling for her best friend. I don't think she'd be very upset if I did break up with her. Maybe for a few days, but no longer than that. Kayla's a great friend, don't get me wrong. I thought I could love her. I wish I could love her because it would be so much easier than this. I don't think she is in love with me either. We're just each other's backbone. She doesn't like to be alone, and I absolutely hate being alone. I just can't bring myself to ending it with her and trying to be with Spencer when I don't know what she wants. Call me selfish but I don't want to break up with Kayla just to get my heart crushed by Spencer. Then I'd have no one. No one except a few friends. Speaking of friends, I think a lunch date with Aiden and Kyla is well overdue.

Bye Diary.

I called Aiden and Kyla and now I am on my way to lunch. I decided to get dressed up because I might see Spencer. I hope I do.

I arrive just on time and see them sitting in the outside section of the restaurant. Now that I think about it, Kyla and Aiden would be a really cute couple. Too bad Kyla's missing 1 certain part that Aiden likes the most, if you get what I'm saying.

"Hey guys, I've missed the hell out of you." I say as I'm taking my seat.

"Yeah, where have you been lately sis?" Kyla, always the nosey one.

"Eh, I'm having some girl issues" I say as I look at the menu, trying to decide what sounds good.

"Oh tell, tell!" Aiden says as he gets all excited. He always wants to be in on everything.

I explain the story of Spencer, from start to end. Well hopefully not the end. But up until now the end. I explain how I want to leave Kayla because I feel bad for wanting her best friend. They want to meet her, but that would be kind of hard considering she doesn't talk to me now. Apparently when I gave the description of her, it was dead on because the next thing I know, Aiden is pulling my arm and whispering "is that her? I hope that's her because she's totally hot."

Naturally I turn around to look for my gorgeous blonde bombshell. It was her. She was sitting next to some boy with dark hair. It kind of looked like they were flirting.

"Yeah, that's her. And her boyfriend I'm guessing" I tell them, feeling like shit again.

"what are you waiting for Ash, go talk to her." Aiden tells me and pulls me out of my seat.

I head over to their table trying to think of what to say to her when I do get the chance to talk. I get close and the boy turns around, only to show me that it isn't a boy at all. It's a chick with boyish hair. And boyish clothes on. Is this what I need to look like to get Spencer to talk to me? Geesh. Spencer is just sitting there, head cocked sideways. She's looking like she's trying to think of what to do.

"Spencer, hello? Are you in there? Someone wants to talk to you." The boyish girl tells her and it seems to snap her out of it.

"Oh, right. Sorry, I'll just be right back, okay Erica?"

She stands up and looks at me, before grinning a little. I start walking to an empty table and she follows. We both sit down and just look at each other for a moment before she decides to talk.

"Hey."

"hi." I say back looking down.

"what's wrong Ashley?"

"Why have you been ignoring me?" I ask with a questioning face.

"I haven't been trying to, I've been busy" she says. She's playing with her fingers. I'm guessing that's a nervous habit.

"Oh, too busy with your girlfriend Erica?" I say kind of rudely. I see her face drop and instantly I regret saying it so harsh.

"Ashley it isn't like that. She's not my girlfriend."

"So is this your thing? You go out with the gay girls once or twice and then decide its time for a new one?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about Spencer. Don't pretend that you don't." I'm getting frustrated now.

"I don't see what you're so upset about. You have a girlfriend. Why aren't you with her giving her all your attention?" She says. She sounds mad now too.

"Maybe because I want to give someone else my attention. Someone that obviously doesn't want it."

"Then why are you still with her?" She asks, with her head to the side. I love it when she does that. She looks so cute, but I'm not going to tell her that. Not yet.

"Because I'm scared of being alone, okay? You wouldn't understand that though. You can have anyone you want. Just forget it okay. Forget everything I said." And with that I got up to leave. She didn't stop me. I went back to my friends and she went and sat with Erica.

"Ashley what happened? That looked like it was going to get pretty heated!" Aiden says.

"Nothing. Im gonna go home though, I don't feel good." And once again I get up to leave. No one stops me this time either.


	6. Chapter 6

**Whoa, it's been like.. FOREVER since I updated. I thought about letting the story go, but I've been itching to write and I can't come up with another storyline other than this. Hopefully some of it's fans come back and read/review. Without further ado..**

_Dear Diary,_

_Why does life have to be so confusing? Why do people send mixed signals? Why not be upfront about everything, and deal with the consequences?_

_Maybe I should take my own advice. I have to end things with Kayla. It's going nowhere for the both of us and it's wrong for me to drag her along. _

–

I yell for Kyla, because really, who better to seek advice from?

"What, Ashley?" Kyla yells from her room down the hall.

"Come here, I need your help picking out an outfit," I tell her, as I start looking through my closet. So many choices, damn.

Kyla comes running into my room, apparently excited, and asks for the occasion.

"Kyla, I need something that says, 'I like you and all, but I'm totally hot for your best friend, so this has got to end'".

"ASHLEY, YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH KAYLA?"

Well, geez.

"Yes, Kyla." I say to her, while throwing my clothes every which way.

"Wait, this is because of that Spencer girl, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is.. I don't know what it is about her, but I have to get to know her. Even if I can't be with her, I want to be as close to her as I possibly can," I tell her with a sigh.

I've never craved someone like Spencer before, in so many ways. Sure, I've had my share of cravings with girls, but none went further than wanting to get in their pants.

"Ashley, I can't believe this. She must be really special for you to want to know more about her than her name. Hell, sometimes you don't even need a name," she tells me with a teasing punch on the arm.

"Yeah, yeah. Come on, Kyla and help me."

–

Kyla and I decided that a neutral look would be best. I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous as hell. I really hope Kayla understands and doesn't hate me.

I shoot her a text asking her if I can come over to talk, and she replies quickly after that.

I learned that it's best to break up with someone at their place, rather than yours or somewhere public. That way, you can dash whenever necessary.

I pull into her driveway, get out and walk to the door. All the while, thinking of ways to put this nicely.

After a knock and a few seconds of waiting, Kayla's mother opens the door and greets me with a smile.

"Hi Ashley, come on in. Kayla is in her room," she tells me while pulling me into a warm hug.

Kayla's mom, Melissa, has always been pretty cool, laid back and friendly. It's going to suck knowing that I had to break up with her daughter.

I thank her and head to Kayla's room.

I take a few deep breaths, standing outside the door, mentally preparing myself for the havoc that may come from this.

Finally, after realizing that nothing I do now can make me feel any better, I open the door.

I'm met with two pairs of eyes, looking my way questioningly.

"Hi, Kayla... and Spencer," I say sheepishly.

Well, I definitely did not consider this scenario.


	7. Chapter 7

**Ah! I'm so excited about this story again! Maybe the holiday spirit has something to do with it? Two updates in one day! As always, reads are mucho appreciated, reviews are definitely necessary. I love hearing what you guys think of my work, and hearing suggestions.**

**To Charlee: Thank you for your review! You somehow figured things how before I did :) This chapter is for you! Keep it up :)**

–

Wow, I definitely should have thought about Spencer being at Kayla's. I don't know why the thought never crossed my mind. I have to figure out something to do or say soon or I'm going to look like a total freak, deer in headlights, type of thing.

That is so not how I want Spencer to see me.

"HELLOOOO, Earth to Ashley," I hear Kayla say before snapping out of my thoughts.

"Oh, hey Kayla, sorry, I must have zoned... You know me.. Heh," I manage to muster out, not before a flush of red greets my cheeks.

Why am I blushing? Ashley Davies does not get embarrassed, much less blush, ever.

I glance quickly at Spencer to see her with her head down, and I think she's mad that I'm here, but then she looks up at me and I see those totally adorable dimples in her cheeks.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Kayla asks, leaving me flustered again.

Shit shit shit shit, think brain, PLEASE?

"Um, I.. I thought you were alone, I didn't think she was going to be here, and it's kind of a thing that needs to be talked about alone, you know?" I say, finding my shoes pretty interesting to stare at.

"Oh, I can leave if you two need to talk about something?" Spencer says, leaving the question hanging for either me or Kayla to answer.

Kayla studies me for a second before answering, "Yeah, if you don't mind. I'll call you tomorrow and we can plan something..."

Obviously she can tell something is wrong, because usually Kayla doesn't let anyone interrupt her plans. Kayla's nothing if not loyal to people she cares about. That's another thing that makes this so hard. I still want to be there for her, and try to build a friendship after this.

I see Spencer hug Kayla and whisper something in her ear, and in return Kayla kisses her forehead and thanks her. Spencer walks out and closes the door behind her. I guess this is the moment. Ugh..

I grab Kayla's arm and lead her to her bed. I sit beside her and look her straight in the eyes, which she returns. I see her start to get teary, and I instantly want to give up on my plan on seeking out Spencer. I am no good at handling crying women. But then, I think about the way I feel around Spencer, and the way I know, or think, she feels about me. It's really no fair to Kayla.

"Kayla, I need you to listen to me and not interrupt while I'm talking. Okay? Can you do that for me please?" I plead with her and she nods. She knows what's going to happen, I can tell by the look in her eyes.

"I know how wrong this is, what I'm about to tell you, and I feel horrible. I understand if you hate me, and don't want to be around me or talk to me... I have feelings for Spencer. I didn't plan on it happening. I didn't even like her in the beginning. I just feel like its not fair to stay with you and want someone else, so I have to end this," I tell her, bracing for what she'll say next.

Surprisingly, it's not what I expected. She takes my hands in hers, and starts to rub them. I'm guessing that she's thinking about what to say.

She must see the confusion on my face, because she says, "Ashley, I knew that you had feelings for Spencer. I could always tell when we hung out with her. Your gaze would linger on her longer than it should, and something changed in your eyes."

As she's telling me this, I'm wondering where she's headed, because I can't help but feel like shit is about to hit the fan and she's going to start screaming at me.

She stands up all of the sudden and looks at me expectantly. When I don't respond, she pulls me up so that we're standing face to face. She takes my face in her hands and I look her in the eye. Maybe things won't be so bad after all.

"The reason that I'm not flipping out about you falling for my best friend, is that I know there was nothing I could do to stop it. I care about you immensely and I only want the best for you. I know it isn't me, and I'm somehow okay with it," she confesses and pulls me into a tight embrace.

It feels really good, and I think it's because we finally realized that we're better off as friends. It's like the weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I collapse into her arms and we sink to the floor. I don't think we've ever hugged this long while we were dating, and that seems funny to me so I start laughing.

"What's so funny?" she asks me, confusion all over her face.

"Nothing is really funny, but it's just that.. this is like, the longest we've ever hugged," I tell her, still giggling.

She must find it funny too, because she laughs along with me.

–

_Dear Diary, _

_Today I realized something. _

_I realized that sometimes staying is worse than leaving. Hiding, denying and lying about feelings works for a moment or two, but eventually, your heart will trump everything else._

–


	8. Chapter 8

**This chapter is going to be in Spencer's POV, for the simple fact that I want her to express how she's really feeling. I probably won't post a lot of chapters in her POV so that it keeps the mystery alive. Read and Review!**

–

I'm Spencer Carlin. I have two brothers. My parents are divorced, and also total opposites.

Kayla is my best friend. My mom is friends with her mom. We met when we were young.

After being close for so many years, we started drifting apart when my dad made me switch to homeschooling. That's a whole other story.

Right now, I need to think about the problem at hand. A short brunette who has invaded my thoughts.

Ashley Davies.

I've known of her for a while. Kayla told me that they started dating. I wasn't really surprised when she told me. They both have similar reputations. The in-your-face, take-it-or-leave-it lesbian who hardly cares what people think or say about her.

I know differently, though. Kayla acts the way she does because she wants to intimidate people. She has a wall between her and the world, and if you're lucky enough to crack it, you'll see she's one of the most sensitive people ever.

Before meeting Ashley, I just figured she would be a bitch. But Kayla insisted on us all hanging out together.

I agreed to go to the movies with them so Kayla would get off my back.

I actually had a good time, though. Ashley wasn't at all what I expected. She kept cracking jokes during the movie. I laughed so much that my cheeks hurt by the end of the night. I actually felt happy, and it scared me a little.

I got to Applebee's early, because I was just excited to hang out with Kayla and Ashley. I don't know what I was thinking when I started rubbing Ashley's leg. I'm glad that Kayla didn't pick up on it. Ashley tried to blame her little freak out on something that didn't even happen, which was hilarious.

For so long, I've been trying to find something. I don't know what it is, or how to get it. It's been like trying to navigate through a pitch black room. But when I think of Ashley, there's a little light that flickers, directing me forward.

When Ashley texted me, how she got my number, I don't even know, I felt hopeful. I knew that Kayla was with her parents, and I saw it as a sign. So, I asked her to hang out.

I've been trying to back off a little, because really, flirting with your best friends girlfriend isn't okay. I just couldn't resist any longer. I went to the park and started swinging. Trying to convince myself that this is nothing. Just friendship.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't hear her arrive. She scared the shit out of me.

I grabbed her hand because I felt okay. It's been so long since I've felt this fine. I wanted to tell her that, without actually telling her that.

She didn't comment on it, but I could tell she didn't mind. I know she likes me, but will it just be another let down to add to my long list?

When Stephanie and Jesse asked if we were together, it scared the hell out of me. I tried to bring up the topic to Ashley, but she just seemed clueless.

Finally realizing that I have been taking this too far, I do what I'm best at. I leave. But she stops me before I can make a clean getaway.

She hugs me, and it's like someone has wrapped me up in the tightest security blanket. It's unlike anything I've ever felt before. Confused, I backed away. A flash of pain comes to her face and I instantly want to make it go away.

A kiss of the forehead is totally a thing that friends do, right?

Who am I kidding?

–

I spend the following days trying to piece together the situation in my head. Ashley texted me, and called but I just can't seem to come up with any answers. So I ignored her.

Erica is a few years older than me, and much more experienced when dealing with girls, so I asked her to lunch. Maybe she can help me figure this mess out.

We meet, and I explain the situation to her, trying not to leave out any details. I saw Ashley come in and meet up with a few other people. I hope she doesn't come up to me because I really don't know what to say to her.

As fate would have it, her friend spotted me and Ashley makes her way towards Erica and I. She looks pretty angry and I try to put my finger on why.

When she starts to talk, I get nervous and I realize I haven't been right ignoring her. But she hasn't been fair either. She's still with Kayla, and I'm not going to admit anything to her when she's in a relationship.

I start to get angry, and I finally say whats on my mind.

When she tells me that she wants to give her attention to someone else, I ask the question that's been eating away at me for days.

"Why are you still with her?"

She starts spilling her feelings about being alone, and I'm starting to understand where she's coming from. Before I can say anything, though, she's walking away from me.

I go back to sit with Erica and she tells me that I need to let her figure herself out. Sighing, I leave Erica and go to my house to recall the previous moments.

–

I haven't been talking to Kayla out of pure guilt. But when she calls me and invites me over, I accept. I feel so bad for having feelings for Ashley.

I try to be attentive for Kayla's sake but I find myself only nodding back at her when she makes a comment.

Completely zoning, I didn't even hear the knock on her front door and before I know it, her bedroom door opens and we're greeted with a frozen, wide eyed Ashley.

She just stands there, staring for a moment until Kayla snaps her out of it.

She starts stuttering out words and I can't help but put my head down and chuckle to myself.

Ashley tells Kayla that she wanted to talk alone so I offered to leave. I know it must be important if they want to talk alone. I wonder what Ashley could need to say. The only thing I can think of, is that Ashley came over here to break up with Kayla.

I get up to leave, hugging Kayla and whispering, "I'm here for you, I love you."

Ashley Davies, how are we supposed to fix this?


	9. Chapter 9

**Read and Review please! :)**

So, it's been a week since I broke up with Kayla. I haven't talked to Spencer because I don't want her to feel like a rebound, and I don't want to offend Kayla by moving on so quickly.

I may be a heartless bitch sometimes, but I've noticed that those times are declining drastically.

Even if I did talk to Spencer, what would I say? I know that I like her, and I'm pretty sure she feels the same way, but it's that little shred of doubt that keeps me biting my tongue.

I've basically been spending my days hanging out with Kyla and Aiden. They've been really great at keeping my mind off things, and by things, of course I mean Spencer.

Spencer, the blonde beauty that in retrospect, I don't know a thing about. The mysterious Spencer that has forever embedded herself into the very core of my being. Spencer can definitely embed herself in my-

"ASHLEY," Aiden screams, causing me to jump out of my skin. Whoops. Must. Stop. Daydreaming.

"Sorry, I just zoned," I reply with a sigh.

"Okay, this has gone on for far too long. We need to go out tonight," Kyla says, looking at me hopefully.

They've asked me out almost every night this week and I've politely declined. Blaming a headache, or something like that. I've all but run out of excuses and I'm starting to think that a night out would be good for me.

I've always loved walking into a dark club with loud music and bass hitting so hard your body vibrates. It's my scene.

I smile and Kyla and hug her, while agreeing that it sounds like a great idea.

We part ways to get ready and meet back up to head to the club together.

Walking in puts me in a totally better mood and I can feel the tension and stress wash away instantly. I head to the bar and grab the bartenders attention. Her name is Chelsea and I've known her for a while. She serves Kyla, Aiden and I as long as we give her our keys as soon as we get there.

She always watches and counts how many we drink and if she doesn't think we're okay to drive, she calls cabs for us or sometimes even drives us home herself. She is really nice and kind of hot. I'd totally be into her if she was gay.

"Hey, Ashley. I haven't seen you in a while," She says, smiling and putting my keys in her pocket.

"Well I have been pretty stressed out lately and this is exactly what I need tonight. Give me my regular."

She just laughs at me before grabbing me a Budweiser. I'm not really trying to get trashed tonight. Just a little buzzed.

I have already lost Kyla and Aiden amongst the crowd so I sit back at the bar and drink my beer while looking around for someone with possible potential.

Not potential for a relationship, just someone to dance with and maybe fool around some.

In comparison to Spencer, everyone else is just not stacking up. But I feel like I owe it to myself to at least try to get out there and have some fun.

I spot Kyla and Aiden dancing, so I join them. The three of us are pretty hot when we dance together, so its no surprise when we see a circle start to form around us.

Some guy walks up to Kyla and she directs her attention to him, so I see the perfect opportunity to show myself off. I grab Aiden's hand and lead him in the direction of a high top table.

He looks at me with confusion before I step up onto a chair and then on top of the table. He grins and follows suit.

He loves dancing as much as I do, so we get pretty racy and he ends up with his flannel off, thrown into the crowd somewhere.

We finally agreed that we needed another drink, so we got down, much to the crowds disappointment and headed to the bar.

After dancing like that, I have the most energy I've felt in a while so I order four Jaeger bombs. Two for me and two for Aiden.

We cheers and take the first one together. We're about to down the second shot when I feel a hand run up my arm. I turn my head to look and I see a stranger. A pretty hot stranger at that.

"How about you give me a shotgun with that one, gorgeous," she whispers in my ear.

I smirk at her and throw in a wink just for fun. I throw the shot back, and swallow a little, before grabbing the girl behind the head and pulling her lips to mine.

"That's the best shot I've ever had, wanna dance?"

I nod and she grabs my hand, pulling us towards the dance floor.

It's not long before we're all over each other, our bodies moving to the beat. She's a pretty good dancer, and keeps up with me easily. I'm actually having a good time with this girl.

She turns so that we're facing each other and she lays a playful kiss on my lips. She puts her arm around my neck and tilts her body backwards, putting her thigh between mine, grinding on me hard.

I'm getting really worked up so I ask her if she wants to get a drink and catch a breather. She agrees and follows me to the bar.

We both grab a seat and Chelsea slides us each a beer, giving me a questioning glance. She knows I was with Kayla and must still figure I am since I forgot to mention that we broke up.

"I'm single now, Chels," I tell her and she nods off laughing.

I look over at my sexy dance partner and ask her what her name is.

"Come on, don't ask questions. You're hot and I'm hot, so lets just have some fun?" She says before pulling me in for a kiss.

My hands instinctively find themselves wrapped up in her hair, her hands are running around on my back.

I'm about to pull her up and take her into the bathroom, when I feel someone grab my arm. I'm figuring it's Kyla or Aiden so I brush them off.

"Not now, I'll be out in a few," I say, before looking at who is interrupting my fun time.

"Wow, I actually thought you were serious about me."

Oh no, this is not good.

"Spencer...?"


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Two years without an update is unacceptable. I already have multiple chapters typed out that I will post once a day or every other day. My HUGE apologies about leaving you all hanging, it won't happen again. **** To whoever is still subscribed to this story, THANK YOU! Please leave reviews as they tend to motivate me. **

**And now, without further ado…**

_"Spencer...?"_

A thousand thoughts rush through my head as soon as I see her face. What was I thinking? How can I fix this? There's no way she's going to talk to me after this little fiasco I pulled.

I take a step back and look between the two girls. The girl that just a few minutes I thought was pretty hot now just looks like a skank standing next to Spencer.

I am mentally slapping the shit out of myself for even looking at her, and then suddenly a thought comes to mind.

My intention is to take Spencer outside so we can talk, but the no-named skank doesn't want that to happen. I take a step towards Spencer and the girl cuts me off, stepping between us.

I give her a not so polite look and try to step around her but she grabs my arms and gets in my face.

"Where are you going? I thought we had some business to take care of in the bathroom," she says while trying to lead me in the direction of the stalls.

I don't want to cause a scene, or have to fight this girl so in one quick motion I shrug my way out of her grip, grab Spencer's hand and almost jog out the door.

After a quick look behind us to make sure she didn't follow us out here, I turn towards Spencer.

She's standing in front of me, her hands on her hips and a challenging look on her face.

Uh oh, pissed off Spencer.

"Spenc-"

"Oh no, Ashley, you don't get to say anything yet. I understand you might be confused and you just broke up with your girlfriend but that does not give you the right to go to some club and fuck the first girl that gives you attention."

I put my head down and mumble a few jumbled words that I don't even think make sense and she starts on me again.

"I mean I thought you liked ME, and that's the reason you broke up with Kayla. But you haven't even tried talking to me, so I don't get it, Ashley. What has been going through your head lately?"

She's exactly right; I knew that I was being stupid even before I walked into the club. Over the past week, I've just been thinking about how Spencer probably doesn't even like me and I think I convinced myself it wasn't going to work out before I gave it a chance to.

I take a deep sigh and sit with my back to the wall of the club. Spencer stands, obviously waiting for my answer.

With all of the chaos happening, I haven't even had time to realize that I'm a little bit drunk. I didn't even want to drink tonight, let alone get drunk. For some reason, this seems funny to me and I start giggling.

I push my luck and glance up at the bombshell standing before me. She's trying to keep her hard face on but my giggling continues and the façade ends and she gives me a small grin.

I grab her hand and pull her down so she's sitting directly in front of me, Indian style. She has her elbows on her knees and her fists under her chin.

She's still grinning, so I figure now is a good time to start talking.

"Spencer, why did you come here"?

"I ran into Aiden yesterday and he mentioned he was going out tonight. I figured you would be with him so I thought I would come and see how you were".

Aiden saw Spencer and didn't even tell me? I'm going to have to talk to that boy about this. Damn, all Spencer wanted to do was see how I had been and look what she walked into.

"Spencer, you have to believe me. I'm so sorry that you saw that. I don't know what I was thinking; I just thought you didn't want me and that things wouldn't work out with us so I went and got drunk and acted like an idiot"

I stand up and start pacing around while cursing myself under my breath. I. Am. Such. An. Idiot. There's no way she'll forgive me, nope, I sure wouldn't if someone did this to me. I might as well just go on and get 7 cats and cat apparel and just live my life out as a crazy cat lady because that's all I'll ever-

My thoughts are interrupted when I feel someone grab my shoulders from behind. I am then turned around and brought into a hug. Wow.

My arms go around her and I inhale the sweet scent that is Spencer. My grip tightens around her and I want nothing more than to stand here until she forgives me.

I whisper "I'm sorry" over and over again until she tells me to shh.

She pulls back from me and smiles. My heart aches when I see her smile.

"Spencer, can we just forget that this night ever happened? It was a big mistake on my part and I know it is. I just want to erase it," I tell her with a soft voice and pleading eyes.

"Okay, Ashley, we'll see. But for now, we need to get you home. Aiden and Kyla can take my car and I'll drive you home in yours."

"Thank you, Spencer. You won't regret this, I promise" I tell her and follow her in the club to get the keys.

I don't know how or why but Spencer is giving me another chance and I'm going to make the most of it.


	11. Chapter 11

_Sunday, Nov 28th_

_Dear Diary,_

_I have been given a chance by the one and only Spencer Carlin. The mission: to win her heart. The challenge: I literally know nothing about her. I guess I have to overcome the challenge first before I can move on to the mission. So, how do I get to know Spencer.. Should I ask her out on a date or keep things casual? There are a lot of options here._

_End Diary_

After we left the club, Spencer dropped me off at my house and went home. I told her I would call her tomorrow so we could plan something.

So now I'm in the kitchen with a cup of coffee and two Tylenol to try to rid myself of this headache I woke up with.

My phone starts ringing, and I look to see that it is Aiden calling. He probably wants to know how last night turned out.

"Hey Aiden, what's up?" I ask him.

"Nothing here, Ash. What happened last night? I talked to Spencer a few days ago but I didn't think she would show up at the club!" He says a little too loudly for my head.

"Let's go grab some lunch and I'll tell you all about it".

Aiden brought Kyla along and we talked about last night over lunch. I brought up my many questions about how I should get to know Spencer. Aiden seems to think that being casual is the way to go so I don't scare her off but Kyla says I should ask her on a date so Spencer knows that I'm serious about this.

I agree with Kyla, but I don't really go on many dates. Before I started dating Kayla, I always met people at clubs. I want to do something cute but I don't want to come off as too serious too fast.

We have come up with many ideas such as a simple dinner and movie, going to a concert, hanging out at the park, going to a sporting game, but since I don't really know her I don't know if she even likes sports, or what kinds of music she likes.

I decide that I'm going to ask her to have a picnic with me. I figure this is kind of casual but still will give us time alone to get to know each other.

Another thing I have to figure out is when to ask her to go with me. I don't want to ask her too soon after last night, but I don't want to wait too long and have her think I wasn't serious.

I guess the only way I'll find out is when I talk to her.

After I got home from lunch, I took a nap and now I'm lying in bed thinking about Spencer.

I decide to text her and see what she's doing.

**Hey Spencer, whatcha up to? –ash**

I get a reply a few minutes later.

**Hi Ashley, I'm eating dinner with my family.. blah. How about you? –spencer**

**Oh nothing important. Are you busy this week? –ash**

**My brother has a basketball game Wednesday that he wants me to go to but other than that I'm free –spencer**

I definitely want to ask her before Wednesday but I don't want to ask her in a text. That's totally lame. Maybe I can see her tonight.

**Wanna take a walk after you finish dinner? –ash**

**Sure meet me in the park at 7:30? –spencer**

**I'll bring coffee, what do you like? –ash**

**I'll have what youre having –spencer**

**See you in a bit, gorgeous –ash**

I hope I don't freak her out by calling her gorgeous, I mean she has to already know she is really really attractive.

I jump in the shower and start getting ready to leave. I shouldn't be this excited to see her. I mean I just saw her last night…


	12. Chapter 12

At the moment, I'm pacing around my room in a bra and panties.

Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

Think, Ashley. What do you wear to ask someone on a date? I'm so rusty at this. I need to step my game up or I'm going to make a fool out of myself.

I blow dry my hair and leave it wavy, because come on, my hair looks great when it's wavy.

It's starting to get chilly outside so obviously I'm going to wear jeans. I grab my favorite pair of faded blue jeans. I've had these for years and even though they're worn down they still fit just tight enough.

The only shoes I ever wear with these are my grey chucks so I grab those too.

Alright, I'm all ready to go. I grab my keys and head downstairs.

"MOM IM LEAVING" I yell to her.

My hand is on the doorknob when I hear my mother laughing hysterically.

What the hell?

"Ashley, where exactly are you going that a shirt is not required in November?" she asks me in between laughs and trying to catch her breath.

Oh shit. I look down and see that I definitely forgot to put a shirt on. How did this happen?

I sprint back upstairs and head into the closet. No wonder I got ready so fast.

I decide on a grey flannel and grab my northface jacket to go over it. I double check in my mirror to make sure I didn't forget anything else and make my way to the car.

I get to Starbucks and order two medium Vanilla Frappuccinos.

On my drive to the park, I run through different ways of asking Spencer out on a date. I'm pretty sure she'll say yes, that's not what I'm worried about. I just don't want to be fumbling my words and embarrassing myself.

I park my car and make my way over to a picnic table where I'll wait for her.

There aren't many people out here aside from me and it's getting dark out. I miss summer a lot. It's my favorite season.

Call it whatever you want, but I know Spencer is coming near me before I see or hear her. She just sits down beside of me and says hi.

She looks adorable. She has on a beanie.

I hand her the coffee and add, "Be careful, the coffee is hot but not as hot as you," wow.. LAME.

She stares at me for a second before breaking out in a deep laugh.

Way to go. Not even five minutes in and you already look like a dumbass. High Five for Ashley!

I can't help the blush that comes to my cheeks as I try to play it off coolly.

"Aww, come on lets go for a walk," she says and stands up.

We walk at a slow pace and I decide to start asking her questions.

"So how was dinner Spencer?"

She sighs and replies "Eventful. The whole family was there."

"How big of a family do you have?"

Kayla didn't tell me very much at all about Spencer or her home life. I don't even know where she goes to school. I haven't seen her around King High so I know she doesn't go there.

"I have two brothers. My parents are divorced but still make us all eat together at least once a week. It's stupid because they just fight the whole time."

"Oh I'm sorry Spencer. I had no idea."

We continue walking for about ten minutes and I'm getting more and more nervous about asking her on a date. I decide that the best way is to just be forward and honest and just do it.

I stop walking and Spencer stops too. She's looking at me quizzically with that cute little head tilt.

"Spencer, can I ask you something?" I get out finally.

"Well sure Ashley," she replies, giving me a small smile.

Here goes nothing.

"Spencer I know I messed up already and you might not be over that but I want to fix it and I want to get to know you more and I guess what I want to ask you is if you'll go on a date with me If you don't want to I completely understand and I'll leave you alone or we can just be friends too if you would want to do that" I tell her in one big breath. Well I got everything off my chest.

"You might have to run all that by me again, I don't think I got it all," she tells me with a giggle.

I grab her hand that isn't holding coffee and take a deep breath.

"Spencer, will you go on a date with me?" I smile at her and wait for her response.

She pulls me into a hug and in my ear, whispers "I thought you'd never ask"

AHH I do a little happy dance on the inside because if I really did a happy dance I'm sure she would change her mind about our date.

"Great, awesome okay good." I say with a huge grin on my face.

"So what did you have in mind?" she asks me.

"Well I was thinking there's a lot I don't know about you so I didn't want to take you somewhere you didn't like. How about you decide?"

We continue walking and I can tell she's thinking hard on where to go.

"Oh I know! We can go speed dating," she says with excitement.

Um what?

"Spencer why would we go speed dating? I don't want to go on a date with 10 people, just you" I tell her.

I'm thinking maybe I should have brought up my picnic idea..

"Haha no Ashley. It will be just us. We can bring questions to ask each other that way we'll get to know each other faster and without all of the awkwardness that comes along on a first date," she explains.

Oh. That makes sense.

"Okay lets do it." I tell her with a smile.

"We should probably start heading back now it's getting late." She says while looking around.

We make it back to our cars and hug and say goodbye.

I'm not really sure how this date is going to turn out and what kind of questions are appropriate. I'll have to ask her for more details later but I'm just really glad she said yes. She seems to be excited.

**A/N I'm glad my story is getting traffic again after being on a two year hiatus. So what do you guys think? **


	13. Chapter 13

_Monday, November 29_

_Journal,_

_Monday's suck. Monday means school and all the stupid things that come along with it. I don't particularly hate school but I sure know of better things I could be doing. I think you should only have to go to school and learn how to read and write and do simple math. I have no interest in Science or History or Chemistry. Calculus is a joke because when will you ever use it? Unless you have to for your job but I know I won't. Plus you can just use a calculator for everything. _

_The only good thing about school is music class. It sounds totally lame but it's actually really awesome. I love everything about music. There's just something about how it affects people. The lyrics, the tone, the melody. A great song is one that has all aspects working together. _

_Plus, I'm doing a work study thing at a local music venue that will let me graduate in the middle of the school year. _

_I don't know if I'll go to college, but if I do it will definitely be for music. Its my passion and has always been an escape. _

_End Journal_

After school I head over to Matrix for my four hour shift. I'm only required to work here 4 days a week or sixteen hours but I come in whenever they're shorthanded. It's a really great job and I've met some awesome people.

"Hey John what's on the agenda today?" John is my boss and totally awesome. He lets me schedule my own hours as long as I do the minimum required for school.

"Ah hey, Ashley. Today we have a band named Ego coming in at 4 to get ready for their show at 8. They'll need your help getting everything set up and then you can do the sound check for them."

Hmm I've never heard of this band before, but John always checks them out before so they must be good.

The night goes on without a problem and the guys from Ego are hilarious. They're an alternative band trying to make a name for themselves.

My shift ends but I plan on staying to watch these guys perform. That's another good thing about working here; I get to see all the shows for free.

I call Kyla to invite her and Aiden. I guess Aiden has football practice but Kyla says she'll be here in twenty. I'm glad I get to hang out with Kyla. I could use some quality sister time.

While I wait for Kyla to get here I decide to call Spencer and see when she wants to do our "speed date"

It rings twice before she answers.

"Hey Spencer, whats up?

She tells me that she's at the grocery store with her mom.

We make idle conversation for a while.

"So I was thinking we could have our date this Friday if that's fine with you?" I ask her.

"Friday sounds good. I thought we could go to a restaurant, but then I realized people might look at us weird there so could we maybe just go somewhere and have a picnic type meal?" she asks and I'm pretty sure she's a mind reader.

"I was actually going to ask you that before so yeah that's a great idea. I can't wait. See you soon Spencer."

"I'm excited too Ashley, talk to you later"

Kyla and I watched the band perform and we were definitely impressed with them. Kyla even bought a shirt. We talked about the date and Kyla thought that it sounded weird but ultimately thinks it's a good idea.

When we get home we sit and write down a list of all the questions I should ask. Between Kyla and I, the list is long.. 75 questions long. Kyla came up with the more personal questions, and I don't know if Ill end up asking her those ones.

I mean really, who asks about sex on the first date?

Kyla.

The more we talk about it, the more excited I get.

I can't wait for Friday!

**A/N: Thanks for reading! I'm really interested in what you guys think about where this is heading. **


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Yay guys, it's time for their date! Please continue to read and review this story so I know what I'm doing right and wrong. I love you all. **

_Friday, December 2nd_

_Journal,_

_This has been the longest week in history. The days just seemed to crawl by at the rate of a turtle. But it's finally Friday which means today is my date with Spencer! I haven't seen her since Sunday and I really miss her face a lot. We've talked off and on throughout the week but only in texts and a couple phone calls. I've been so excited to see her that I haven't thought about getting nervous until now. And I'm kinda freaking out about it. I had already picked out my outfit and changed it a million times before finally giving up. I have all my questions memorized for the most part. I drove for hours trying to find the right spot to take her. I think I'm ready for this. Ahh I can't wait._

_End Journal._

I worked Monday through Thursday so I could be off on Friday. School flew by and I'm thankful for that. The weather hasn't been very cold and today is supposed to be in the mid 50's. I've already packed up my car with everything we'll need except the food.

Kyla had to help me decide what kind of food to bring. I'm bringing cut up apples, strawberries, pineapple and kiwi. I even dipped some of the strawberries in chocolate. I also got wine classes and grape juice. That's cute, right?

I told Spencer I'd pick her up at 7. It's 5 o'clock now and I'm extremely bored. I've been pacing the house tirelessly.

Suddenly my phone rings and when I check to see who it is, it's Spencer. Instantly I get upset thinking she's calling to cancel.

"Hello" I say.

"Hey Ashley, its Spencer"

No kidding. She really said that.

I laugh and say "Yeah I use this really cool thing that comes with phones called Caller ID, you ever heard of it?"

I hear her laugh and she apologizes.

"So I know you're not supposed to pick me up until 7 but I'm all ready to go and I'm really bored. Could you just get ready and come get me now?"

Like I said, Spencer is a mind reader.

"I'm already ready too. I'll be over soon" I tell her, trying not to sound like a child from getting so excited.

On my drive over to Spencer's house, I have an internal debate about going up to her door and knocking or just calling and telling her I'm outside.

I park my car and I'm at her door before I even realize it. I lift my hand to knock on the door when it swings open.

That was weird.

I'm greeted with a beautiful smiling Spencer. She really is something else. And she has on her beanie again.

She yells to her parents I'm guessing that she's leaving and we head for my car.

"So where are we going?" she asks me as I drive along.

"It's a surprise. It took me forever to find this place."

The car gets quiet so I put in a CD from one of the bands that played at Matrix last week.

Spencer must like the music because I see her smile and start bobbing her head. It's a pretty funny sight.

"Who sings this?" she asks me. She's full of questions tonight.

"It's a band that played at my work. Their name is Ego." I explain to her.

"You have a job? Where?" she continues with the questions. I thought this was how the date was going to go, not the car ride.

"I work part time at Matrix, it's a music venue." I tell her.

"No way," she whispers.

The car goes silent again, but since we are almost to the spot I picked out, it doesn't bother me.

This place is a little off the beaten trail, so when I park my car and all there is around us is trees, Spencer gives me a questioning look.

I smile, put my hand on her thigh and say, "don't worry, this place is great. It just takes a few minutes to get to."

There's a small trail that we take through the woods for about half a mile. If you aren't looking for it you'll never see it which is why I was shocked when I found it. You have to cut through some pine trees but when you come out on the other side, it's really beautiful.

We step out into the clearing and I hear Spencer take a surprised breath of air. That was the same reaction I had when I first saw this place. There's a field of green that seems to drop off until it meets with a gorgeous lake.

"Come on, let's set our stuff up," I tell Spencer.

I grab her hand and lead her closer to the lake. We lay down blankets and I get the food and "wine" ready.

"Wow, Ashley. This place is really amazing. How did you find it?" she asks me.

"To be honest, I don't know. I was walking on that trail back there and somehow ended up here. I can't believe I've never heard of this place before."

"I can understand why someone would want to keep this place a secret," she tells me, still looking around in awe.

I smile and I'm genuinely happy she loves it here as much as I do.

I hand her a glass, "I want to make a toast to this wonderful evening and to you, Spencer. You look beautiful tonight," I tell her honestly.

She smiles and clinks her glass to mine.

"I didn't want to ask you all of the boring questions first, so I blended them in with the more interesting ones," she tells me.

"Ha Ha I'm sure I'll still realize them. Alright Spencer, your first question is probably the easiest question. How old are you?" I was dumbfounded when I realized I didn't know but I figured she was the same age as Kayla and me.

"That's easy. 19."

"No way you're older than I am! I'm only 18. Boo. Your turn," I say. I've never been with anyone older than me. She has to be out of high school then.

"How many people in general have you dated?"

Geesh she wastes no time.

"I've only dated 4 girls," I tell her and for some reason add, "but none of them were serious. I mean I didn't love any of them. Not even Kayla. It sounds mean but I just wanted you to know that. I don't even know why."

SHUT UP ASHLEY.

She just smiles and nods in return.

I don't know what to make of that.

"So you're graduated right? Are you in college?" I ask.

"I graduated last May. And yeah, I go to LAMA."

"What are you going for?" I don't want to seem really nosey but a person's major in college tells you a lot about them and I know LAMA is totally a music college.

"Vocal Artist Development, actually."

No freaking way! I can't help but smile when I hear that.

"Wow, Spencer. That's amazing. I had no idea you could sing," I tell her. I bet she has the voice of an angel.

"Yeah, I love it. What's your favorite thing about living in LA?"

"Everyone's pretty laid back most of the time. There are a lot of opportunities here. I love the beaches. There's a lot of stuff that I like," I tell her.

"How old were you when you lost your virginity?" She blurts out.

Um… Honesty is the best policy I guess.

"I was 14. I had sex with my best friend at the time. We had no idea what we were doing. She freaked out after and we never really talk anymore," I say.

"So you've never had sex with a guy?" She asks me.

"No, the thought alone hurts my stomach"

"Then how can you be sure you're not bi or anything?"

"Well I've done things with guys before and that was disgusting enough. I know I wouldn't enjoy it so I've never tried it," I tell her. She seems shocked.

"Have you ever been with a girl?" I ask.

If she asks what I mean, then the answer is yes. If she says no, she's a total newbie.

"Um.. well.. I, no."

"Are you a virgin?" She can't be.

"No Ashley. I'm not a nun or anything. But I've only had sex with two guys." She tells me. I'm relieved it wasn't more. I mean, I wouldn't look at her different but these are not things you want to here when you're interested in someone.

"Well that's good. I never thought you were a nun, by the way."

She laughs and shakes her head at me before asking about high school.

A little while after that, we stop interrogating each other and just talk. We talk about anything and everything. One topic leads to another and sometimes we just talk about random things. We have successfully devoured all the fruit I brought and almost an entire bottle of sparkling apple juice. There isn't a moment where this feels awkward and I'm completely relieved by that.

It's dark out now and we're lying on the blanket looking at the sky. Spencer is humming a tune that I can't put my finger on. It's lovely. Normally the stars are hard to see but tonight it's like every single one of them turn on for us.

"This is really nice, Ash."

The sound of her voice makes me smile, as well as the shortening of my name. I feel like a child that just got her first crush.

I take a deep breath and try to tattoo this memory and all of these feelings into my head.

"Yeah it really is. Thank you for coming tonight, Spencer."

I turn from lying on my back to my side so I can face her. She notices my staring and turns over to face me as well.

I really really want to kiss her, but all I can think about are all the reasons I shouldn't yet.

She's never dated a girl, let alone kiss one. I don't want to scare her off. I want to go at her pace, so maybe I should wait until she makes the first move.

Looking at her face isn't that bad at all anyhow. I feel like I could look at her for hours. Even when I close my eyes, I see her. It's like she's pouring her soul into me.

And when her hand slides up to my face, when she licks her lips, closes her eyes and she leans in, I know I would do anything on earth for this woman.

The moment her lips finally meet mine, the moment I hear the sharp intake of air through our mouths, the moment I feel her hand trembling, I swear it's the first time my heart has ever taken a beat.


	15. Chapter 15

_Journal,_

_Tonight I experienced the best night of my life. Spending time with Spencer was amazing. We get along so well and our talks flow so naturally. And the kiss was just, wow. No words for it. Indescribable. I loved every minute of it. But Spencer got scared. She jumped up and asked to be taken home. The car ride was quiet; no words were spoken besides goodbye. I drove around for a bit before coming home. I haven't heard from Spencer since I dropped her off and I haven't tried talking to her yet. In all honesty, I expected this to happen. I shouldn't be happy about it but I know that Spencer is going through a life changing experience, realizing she really does like girls. Flirting with them is a lot different than actually kissing one and it makes you have to deal with your feelings head on. That's the main reason I'm giving her space. She needs to work through this on her own time and not feel pressured by me or anyone else. I know she will talk to me when she's ready, or at least I hope she will._

_End Journal_

I spent the rest of the weekend at home. Kyla and Aiden came over and hung out and I told them about what happened with Spencer. They both agreed that the best thing I can do is give her space. I thought it would be easier than this.

My confidence that Spencer will talk to me soon has all but vanished and I'm just sad now. I keep replaying that night in my head over and over, trying to figure out if I could have done something different that would have helped her.

Over the next week, I buried myself in school and picked up some extra shifts for work. When I stay busy, the less upset I get. But every night I lay in bed missing her. I stare at my phone willing it to ring. I just want to know that she is ok.

It has been a week and I'm feeling very desperate. There's only one person that I know I can talk to about this that might have some answers. So I text Kayla.

**Hey Kayla how have you been? –ash**

It takes about ten minute before she responds. I haven't really talked to her as much as I should and I feel bad. Just a hey or wave at school is all. I have to start talking to her more.

**Long time no hear Ashley! I've been good and how are you? –Kayla**

**I've been better but I'm glad you're doing well. How are your parents? –ash**

**My mom says she misses you and wants you to come over for dinner sometime and catch up –Kayla**

**I'd love to do that and I miss Melissa too. –ash**

**So spill, whats wrong Ash? –Kayla**

**Um, Kayla, have you talked to Spencer any like this past week? –ash**

Grr please say yes please say yes.

**Actually no, I've texted her a few times but no response. Why what happened? –Kayla**

**We went out last Friday and kinda um kissed and I haven't talked to her since then. I just wanted to see if she was ok. –ash**

I hope she isn't upset that Spencer and I kissed. She knows that I like her but it might be too soon for her to hear this stuff.

**WOW I can't believe you guys actually kissed. That's great for you two, but let me tell you something about Spencer first ok? –Kayla**

…**ok I guess? –ash**

**Spencer goes on these weird MIA sprees. She's done it for as long as I can remember. Sometimes she does it when something big has happened to her and sometimes she does it randomly. She will legit disappear from earth for any amount of time ranging from 1 week to a month. So I'd say that is what happened here. –Kayla**

**Where does she go? I mean is she at her house or does she leave or what? –ash**

**She usually just stays in her house and won't talk to anyone. –Kayla**

Well this is fantastic. My crush is a flight risk. And she may or may not talk to be for a month. That is depressing.

**What if I went to her house? Would she talk to me then? I'm desperate here Kay –ash**

**I dunno if she would or not I've never tried it but give her some more time and see if she comes out of it –Kayla**

**Thank you Kayla for your help. Let's do lunch this weekend? Sunday? –ash**

**Np and that sounds good just text me Sunday, ttyl Ash –Kayla**

It's going to be really hard but I'm going to take Kayla's advice and give Spencer some more time. I think if she doesn't talk to me by next Friday I'm just going to go to her house and try to talk to her. This is sad because I feel like Spencer is going through this all alone and I want to be there for her and help her.

I really hope she doesn't regret kissing me. I already know how I feel about her and I know that I want to be with her.

"Alright, Ashley, tell me all about this big kiss with Spencer! Did you start it or did she? Did you guys like make out or was it a peck? How long did it last? Did she scream and run after, I wanna know everything!"

It's Sunday and I'm at lunch with Kayla. As soon as we sat down she started this. She's not upset which I'm happy about. Maybe she found herself a girl. I only want the best for Kayla and I know that it wasn't me.

"Slow down Kayla! I can only answer one question at a time," I tell her and take a deep breath, trying to remember everything she asked me.

"We were lying on our backs and I turned toward her then she turned toward me. We were just staring at each other. Then she licked her lips and leaned in and who am I to turn her down? I guess we both started it? I don't know. We didn't use tongue but it was more than just a peck. It was deep and intense and I would say it lasted for 10 seconds but don't quote me on that. She pulled away first then stood up and told me she should probably go home now," I tell her and gauge her reaction.

She just stares at me for a minute, probably trying to process what I said.

"I see, I see."

"I see? That's all you've got?" Come on, Kayla; help me out a bit here!

"Well she didn't completely freak out and scream so that's good. I guess she could just be scared of her feelings. I know I would be if I were her," she says.

"What do you mean, if you were her?"

"Did she tell you about her family at all?" she questions.

"Well, no. We didn't talk about them. Why?" I don't like where this is heading.

"Ashley, her mom is a religious nut. She pulled Spencer out of school when she found out I was gay. She made her do homeschooling just to get away from me. I can't even go to her house because her mom thinks I bring some wacky 'gay devil spirits' into their home," she tells me seriously.

"Well she told me that her parents were divorced. What about her dad?"

"Her dad is a psychiatrist and he left her mom because he doesn't believe in religion. He spends most of his time trying to shrink her. He would probably blame her mom for Spencer being gay."

This is a lot to take in. I had no idea about her home life. I should have asked her when I had the chance. No wonder she hasn't talked to me. My heart sinks when I think about what she must have went through growing up. All I really want to do right now is hold her and make her feel special and cherished.


	16. Chapter 16

_Journal,_

_After I met with Kayla on Sunday, I felt worse than ever. All week long I've been thinking about her, worrying about her and just wanting to talk to her. I listened to Kayla's advice and waited but I don't think I can wait any longer. I just have to make sure she is ok and that she knows I'm here for her. My plan is to go to her house as soon as I get out of school so hopefully her mom won't be there. I've driven past her house multiple times this week, trying to figure out which parent she lives with and what kind of hours they work. That's a little stalkerish I think, but I don't really care. I'm feeling very desperate and maybe a bit manic. _

_End Journal._

_Xx_

The target is in sight, I think. Her house is, anyways. Her car is parked out front and it's the only car in the driveway. Deductive reasoning leads me to believe that Spencer Carlin is in that house. Now, I just have to figure out a way in.

I scan the second story looking for a tree or something that I could climb, then I could crawl in a window or something if it was unlocked. I get out of my car and sneak around to the back yard. There's a couple bushes that I use for cover, just to be safe.

Well, I didn't expect this. There's a huge wooden privacy fence. Its too tall for me to climb. But that's okay. I'm determined to breach the entrance.

Suddenly, I get a great idea. I'll just knock on the door. Yeah, that's what I was totally thinking all along. I was just planning an escape route if things get hairy.

I swallow my pride, a bit upset that my secret agent plan didn't work out.. I knew I should've brought a ladder.

Time to knock on the door.

I head up to the porch and prepare to knock, when the door opens magically. Like it knew I was coming for it. I told you, I might be getting manic if not delusional.

Spencer is in the doorway staring at me.

God, it's been two weeks since I've seen her and now that she's right in front of me it hits me hard on how much I've actually missed her. Without thinking, I run up to her and wrap her in my arms.

It feels so good to see her and feel her body against mine. The sensation is amazing; I can't stop from craving more of her.

Reluctantly, I pull away and look at her. At a glance, she seems completely fine. But now I take a really good look at her and see signs of her hardship. She's pale and her eyes are bloodshot with bags under them, like she hasn't been getting much sleep. It's heartbreaking but she is still absolutely beautiful.

She gives me a small smile and leads me upstairs.

I'm totally fine with going to the bedroom but I don't think she's thinking about doing what I'm thinking about doing.

I guess we should talk or something like that. Darn.

Aw, her room is cute. There's a couple music posters on the walls and a keyboard and mic in a corner. She sits on the bed and I follow suit.

"Are you okay?" I ask her first because that's all I really want to know.

She sighs and looks at her hands which are now in her lap, "I don't know if I am or not. Everything is just really confusing and hard right now. I'm sorry for ignoring you".

"I just don't understand why you can't talk to me to at least let me know you're alive and you didn't move to Africa or something. I've been really worried about you, Spencer".

"I'm sorry, I just needed time to think and try to figure this out."

"Figure out what? I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable when we kissed, but I really enjoyed it," I tell her honestly.

"This, Ashley. It's all new to me, I'm just not used to it…" she looks up at me and smiles a little bit before adding, "and I enjoyed it too".

I'm grinning and I'm sure I look like a creepy ass clown but I can't help it. She enjoyed it! That means she would probably like to do it again and that would be totally fine with me. Like we should just do it now and forget all this other nonsense, but I don't think it works that way.

Instead, I say, "Well, I'm here for you so please can you not shut me out? If you need space just tell me and I'll give it to you. Being ignored by you just sucks and it makes me sad," I follow up with a big pout and my best version of puppy dog eyes. Even though I'm being completely serious about what I said, I want to lighten the mood for her. I want to show her that this can be easy sometimes too.

"Aww, stop that," she lifts my face up and oh god I think she might kiss me again!

I can't help the intake of air as I close my eyes and prepare.

Boo. She just kissed my forehead. But! I'll take it.

"So can we make a deal? You don't ignore me anymore and I'll bring you breakfast in the mornings?" Who doesn't love breakfast? It's the most important meal of the day, after all.

She looks like this is a hard decision. Really? It's a no-brainer. Come on, Spencer.

"Only on one condition," she says. Of course. Conditions.

"Anything."

"You have to stop driving by my house ten times a day and sneaking around my yard. I thought you were a robber, until that awful attempt at a roll into cover. The neighbors probably think you're planning a heist, Ashley," she says with a humorous look on her face.

I can't believe she caught me! I thought for sure I stayed out of sight. Probably has cameras all around or something.

I decide to play it off nonchalantly.

"Yeah, sure. I can do that. And, I only drove past 2 or 3 times a day. But I'll let your neighbors rest easy from now on."


	17. Chapter 17

Spencer and I have been lying on her bed talking for about an hour now. We haven't brought up anything too serious yet, but I think I should at least try to talk to her about her parents. I know that bottling things up inside of you can seem like the right thing to do sometimes, but after a while, it is just going to wear you down more and more.

I stand up off her bed and decide to look around her room a little bit more. She doesn't stop me or ask what I'm doing; she continues to lie on the bed and starts humming. The music posters that are hanging up are Death Cab for Cutie, Paramore and Mayday Parade. At least we have similar taste in music. The thought makes me smile because now I can take her to a concert, eventually.

My smile quickly fades as I notice a small picture that's sitting on her dresser. I would guess that Spencer is about 15 years old, sporting a sundress and a smile as both her parents flank her sides. Their faces match hers, signs of joy obvious. The Spencer in this picture isn't the one lying a few feet away from me though.

"Hey Spencer, are these your parents?" I ask casually.

She stops humming, lets out a sigh and makes her way towards me. She picks up the picture and looks at it with an expression hard to read, but my best guess would be one of longing.

"Yeah, this picture was taken before my sophomore year of high school."

"It's a beautiful picture, Spence," I tell her honestly. It's evident that this picture is really meaningful to her, so I try to tread lightly around the subject.

She places the picture back on the dresser, this time face down, and sits on the side of her bed. I just stand there looking at her, not really sure what to say or do. She seems to be avoiding me so I move closer to her, standing right in front of her. Brown eyes meet gorgeous baby blue only for a second before her head drops into her hands. The look was one of raw emotion, and I'm sure of one thing. This beautiful girl in front of me is not even remotely happy.

I move to sit beside her on the bed and she caves in. She begins to sob. My heart is breaking with every tear that she drops. I put my arms around her and pull her into my chest, wanting to give her something, anything that could help her. My hands rub her back, an attempt to soothe her but it does nothing. I whisper, "it's all going to be okay, everything will be okay, you will be okay, Spencer." This only seems to make it worse. With every sob, her delicate body racks against mine so I squeeze her hard, but not hard enough to hurt, only hard enough for her to feel me through her tears. I pepper her with kisses, her forehead, cheeks, the top of her head, and gently rock her back and forth.

Her sobs start to slow; now she is trying to catch her breath, but I continue to rock her. She goes limp in my arms, her whole body sagging into mine. It's like she has been holding all of those tears and emotions in for so long that when she finally let it out, the life got sucked right out of her.

Soon enough, her breathing evens out and she seems to have calmed down. I stop rocking her and I hear a small snore. I put her to sleep. There's no way I'm going to wake her up after that, so I gently lay her down on the bed and cover her with a blanket. I take a step back and just admire her. Even after crying, she's so stunning. She might even be more beautiful right now than I've ever seen her before.

I really don't want to leave but I don't want her mother to come home to me staring at her sleeping daughter. I have a feeling she wouldn't like it. I look through her room for a piece of paper and a pen and scribble down a small note.

"This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful to me.

-Ash xo"

I place the note under her pillow and place a gentle kiss on her forehead before leaving her room. Just as I'm about to pull away, her mom's car pulls into the driveway. I can only hope for Spencer's sake that she doesn't think I just left her house. I hope she'll give Spencer some time to sleep this off.

_Journal,_

_I have to update my mission. I don't care about winning Spencer's heart. I just want to see her happy. I want to be there for her and help her when she needs it. There's no way she's ready to be in a relationship with anyone right now. While I can't control the feelings that I have for her, I can take a different approach towards her. I won't make any moves on her or make her feel pressured or uncomfortable. Right now I think it's best if I try to be a good friend to her. I definitely don't want her to think that I'm only doing this to get in her pants. I really have to earn her trust. It isn't going to be easy, but the fact that she opened up in front of me leads me to believe I'm on the right track. _


	18. Chapter 18

_**A/N: This chapter is just a little bit of fluff but don't worry. Spashley time will be coming soon. Please review with your thoughts. All of them are appreciated. **_

_**To googoo4u, thanks for always reviewing. I'm glad you understand where I'm going with this!**_

_Journal, _

_It's been two weeks since I've seen Spencer. She didn't go MIA again and we've talked a little every couple of days. I'm glad she's changed that. She texted me the morning after I left to inform me that her mother has switched shifts at work so unfortunately I couldn't bring her breakfast. I'm trying to be casual with her and let her come to me when she wants to talk. I definitely try not to nag her, but it isn't easy at all. The girl has invaded my thoughts and dreams. I understand now that I have an unhealthy obsession that I'm learning to control. Even though she isn't giving me very much of her, I have a little and for now that's enough for me. It's like I have this hope in us and I know no matter what we will somehow find ourselves together. It might take months or years but I can wait because she's the kind of girl that you wait for. She hasn't brought up what happened that night, her breakdown, but that's okay. She'll talk to me when she's ready to. Other than Spencer, life has been normal if not boring. School and work and more school and more work. I've just been hanging out with Kyla, Aiden and Kayla on the weekends. They don't really bring up the Spencer subject. I don't know if it's because they think I'm upset about it or what. I don't really know what to say to them to make them understand how I feel. They say it's been too long, that we should be making more progress than we are. I just shrug them off. The only good news I have to offer is that it's almost time for me to "graduate". I won't graduate until the rest of the class in May, but I'll be done with school in only a few more weeks!_ _Since my lack of Spencer time, I've been burying myself in my studies, especially music class. My guidance counselor convinced me to try to get my grades up so I can get into a really good music college. I'm still not sure if that's the route I want to go down, but just as a precaution, I've been really doing well. _

_End Journal._

_Xx_

It's Friday night and I'm sitting in the park with Aiden. Kyla and Kayla are out somewhere shopping or something. I don't know. We decided to get coffee and just hang out and talk. He's been updating me on his social life which consists of a few different guys, but none that can hold his attention for more than a night. He's not too upset about it though. I know he wants to go off to college with no strings attached. He already got a scholarship to UCLA for basketball. I couldn't be more proud.

"So, Ash, you know what you're doing after high school yet?" he asks.

"Not really, Aid. I've thought about college but it seems like such a drag. I want to do something different, something that isn't boring or the same things every day."

"You could try to start up your own music label or something like that, I mean you have money to," he says with a laugh. I guess my mom is kind of loaded. She sells high end real estate in Cali. She wanted me to follow in her footsteps but learned early on that it was not the life for me.

"But if I asked her to help me out, it wouldn't be totally mine, ya know? I want to work hard and earn it. I'll probably just try to get on full-time at Matrix until I save up a little bit of money," I tell him. I haven't really thought about that until he led me to. Maybe John would promote me to assistant manager. That would be really fun.

"Ash, that would take forever. You gotta do something big and make some quick cash."

"Okay, Aiden what would you suggest? Drug dealing? Gambling?" I ask him.

He runs his fingers through his hair before answering me, "no Ashley, get out there and sing, or at least try to sell some of your songs."

"Aiden, you've only heard me sing once and that was years ago, and you've never even read anything I've written, so how do you even know they're any good?"

"I know you, Ashley and I know that you never do anything halfassed. I know your music is good and I'm sure your singing is even better."

I take a moment trying to picture myself actually preforming somewhere. I know that my passion is strong and all, but I don't know if I would have the guts to actually get on a stage and sing my songs. It's an idea I'll definitely have to take into consideration. Maybe I can get Spencer to sing and I'll just play guitar. We'd be the total power couple!

How hot is that? Best idea I've ever had.

After I left Aiden I came home and laid in bed. Lately I've been reflecting on Spencer and how much things have changed. I knew from the moment I saw her that I had to have her but I never thought it would happen. I got a glimpse of what it would be like to be with her on our first date. It would be amazing all of the time. I'd always cuddle her and kiss her and show her off because that's what she deserves.

But she's stuck in a rut right now and I don't know how to get her out of it. Maybe she needs some good old fashion fun, no pressure and no worries. It's almost Christmas, too. Everyone should be merry and gay at this time of year!

Think think think Ashley. What would Spencer really love to do?

Aha! Got it.

Now I only have to think of a way to get her out of that prison she calls a house. Well, it's not that bad. But she just won't leave it. It's quite depressing.

Badabing! Another great idea! Butter me up because I am on a roll!

2 points for Ashley!

Now, to begin the plan. I have to figure out a few logistics first without raising suspicion from Spencer.

Ha! Suspicious Spencer. That sounds like some superhero name.

MMM. Spencer in tights and a cape. Sexy!

Once we're happily married, I must remember to talk her into dressing up for me.

Ring ring ring.

"Hey, Ashley." Spencer answers the phone. Finally!

"Hi, Spence. I see you finally figured out how to use caller ID!" I giggle at my joke. She does too. Score another one for the good guy!

"One of life's wonderful inventions," Amen to that! Oh, I think she was being sarcastic. Whoops.

"Ah yeah. Sure. How are you doing on this wonderful evening?" Time to turn on the charm.

"I'm okay. How are you?" She sounds chipper. Maybe some time is all she needed.

"Well I'm talking to you so the answer is obvious, I'm fantastic!" Yeah. That's the Davies charm. I might need to work on that.

"Anyways, the reason I'm calling is because I was going to bring you breakfast in the morning but I couldn't remember if you said your mom was still working in the mornings or if her hours got switched again," That's not really my intention but I do have a plan.

"She's still working evenings but she has to work a double shift tomorrow since it's the weekend." The luck gods are smiling at me right now. Yes!

"Oh I see. That sucks. Like what time though?" Please, I hope that's not giving anything away. The element of surprise is what I'm counting on to get her out of the house.

"I think she has to work from three in the afternoon until seven in the morning. Why?" I couldn't be more pleased with this answer. I do a happy dance because this is perfect.

"No reason, guess that breakfast will have to wait though. I'm sorry," I tell her in my most apologetic voice.

"Oh okay. Well I better go now. It was good talking to you, Ashley." Aw! She sounds sad. She probably misses me. Have no fear! Soon, Spencer.

"Cheer up, buttercup." I tell her, and add a kissy sound for good measure.

Stage one is complete!

Stage two will require some assistance. It's a good thing I have a strong support group. Who am I kidding?

I have one more call to make before enlisting the help of my friends. It's such a short notice but I think a little bit of extra compensation will take care of that.

Stage two is underway. I was correct in my assumption that businesses will go the extra mile with their customers as long as they're throwing extra cash at them.

After calling Aiden, Kyla and Kayla I can start the hard part of the plan. Getting them on track.

They happily agree to what I've asked them to do and I'm hoping that the luck gods are still looking my way because this could easily go wrong with the three of them together.

**A/N: Can anyone guess what's going to happen in the next chapter? The winner gets a cookie. Sorry, that's all I can offer. R&R! Next chapter should be up Sunday or Monday!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Okay guys, SUPER long post for you since it took me a week to update! Sorry about that. Songs used in the chapter are Last First Kiss – Ron Pope, Wild Heart - The Vamps and Fix You – Coldplay. It took me FOREVER to pick these because there's a lot that fit with the story. Hope you enjoy!**

Saturday morning. I shouldn't be up this early. I am currently sitting at my kitchen table with Kayla, Aiden and Kyla. They came over so we could game plan for today's festives. They even brought me coffee. I knew I liked them all for a reason.

Aiden seems to think that this is "of utmost importance", and he's taking the whole thing extremely serious. Kayla is excited to be doing something that could change history.

Yeah, I don't know what she means either.

Anyways, I go over my genius plan with them about 7 times before sending them on their way. I really hope they don't screw this up, but I think they know that this means a lot to me.

After they leave, I shower and make a run to the store for some things that I'll need this evening.

The worst part about this is waiting. I've done everything I need to do, got dressed and ready to go and it's only 1 in the afternoon.

Aiden informed me that they have completed the mission. Thank god.

I decide that with some time to kill I should probably practice a little, so I go to my room and lose myself for a while.

The time for action is now. Sources have confirmed that Spencer's mom has left the premises.

My drive to her house is pretty boring and my excitement continues to build. I really hope she agrees to all of what I have planned tonight.

Finally I arrive at her house. I grab a couple small rocks that are on the road and walk into her front yard. My aim isn't the best but luckily I manage to ping her window a few times with the small rocks. I see her curtains open and a confused Spencer looking down at me. I hold up the sign that I prepared. It reads "Come away with me?"

I can see her laugh and then disappear. After a few minutes, she's standing with the front door open looking at me with a smirk.

I walk up to her and give her a giant hug.

"So, what do you say? Will you be mine for the day?" Poetic Ash. That's me.

"Ashley. You're crazy, ya know? You couldn't have just knocked on the door?" She asks me with a head tilt.

God, she's so cute. Almost makes me wanna squeal but I think I'll refrain.

"That's normal and boring. Totally not my style." I scoff.

This earns me a chuckle and a head nod. What, I'm definitely awesome and exciting.

"What exactly are we going to be doing today?"

"You can't ask that. It's a surprise." Really, don't suck all the fun out of it.

"Well what do I need to wear?" she questions.

Yes! I've got her, hook line and sinker. BAM! SQUEEEEE.

"Oh nothing too fancy. Just whatever you're comfortable in," I play it off very casually.

"Okay, well. Come inside and let me get ready."

She leads me upstairs into her bedroom while she digs through her closet. I sit on the bed and watch her for a while before she heads to the bathroom to change.

She returns after a couple of minutes and sits down to do her makeup.

"You don't need that, Spencer."

"What are you talking about?" She asks.

"The makeup, you don't need it." I tell her honestly.

She scoffs and gives me a look.

"Seriously, Spence. You're beautiful without it."

"Well I already started putting it on so it's too late to stop now, but thank you. I appreciate you saying that," she tells me with a smile.

Once she's done getting ready, we head to my car. She gives me a funny look when I follow her to the passenger side and open the door for her. "Who said chivalry was dead?" she asks me.

"You deserve the best, Spence." I tell her seriously.

I get in the driver's seat and start driving to our destination. The car ride is quiet and comfortable. I take the time to gather my thoughts and prepare for what I'm about to do. My nerves are starting to get to me and my anxiety is rising. I've never done this before.

I don't know how she does it, some weird sixth sense or something, but Spencer slides her hand so it rests on my right thigh. As she draws circles, my worries and fears seem to dissipate. It's so calming and I don't stop the shy smile that makes its way onto my face. I see her grinning too.

Everything will be okay. I'm sure of it. I really have to do this not only for Spencer, but myself as well.

I pull into an alley and park in a small lot behind a row of buildings. Without saying anything, I get out of the car and open Spencer's door. We walk down the alley I pulled into and in front of the line of buildings. I stop at one and Spencer looks up to see where we are.

"You brought me to a club, Ash?"

"It's not what you think, let's go inside," I drag her by the arm into the club.

It just so happens that this club is the same club that Spencer and I had our squabble at. But, I have my reasons for bringing her here.

As we walk in, we're greeted by Chelsea.

"Everything you need is back behind the stage, Ashley. Good luck to you," she says, bringing me into a hug. "You'll do great," she whispers into my ear.

"Hey Spencer, would you come with me for a minute?"

Spencer glances at me with a confused expression. I give her a smile and shoo her away with Chelsea.

I grab my guitar and a chair and set them up on the stage.

The lights dim after a couple of minutes and I know that's my signal that Spencer will walk out here any second.

I take a deep breath and mentally prepare myself. The door behind the bar opens and Spencer walks out.

Shock is written all over her face as she realizes what I'm about to do. She walks up and sits a few feet back from the stage.

I know that the songs I'm going to sing to her are heavy; I don't want her to be scared though.

Spencer is just sitting there staring at me. I clear my throat and laugh to try to rid myself of the jitters I've gotten. She gives me a big smile and that's all the reassurance I need.

"Okay, well um. There's a couple songs that I've written and I wanted to share them with you. I've never really played for anyone before, but here it goes."

I start strumming my guitar for the intro of the song before meeting her eyes. I want her to know that this is for her.

_We might have met as children_

_Maybe it's been a couple weeks_

_I don't even know anymore_

_You have that effect on me_

The first few lines come out shaky, but the look on her face gives me a whole new bit of confidence.

_And now I'm feeling like forever_

_Just showed up at my door_

_I've got a little piece of heaven_

_It's all mine to hold onto_

And I don't plan on letting her go, not without a fight. Spencer is unlike anyone I've ever met.

_What I'm trying to say_

_In my own simple way_

_Is I want you to be my last first kiss_

_I want you to be my last first kiss_

After our lips connected, I couldn't dream of kissing anyone else.

_My heart, yes it's finally found_

_Someone I can't live without_

_And I wonder what you're thinking_

_Whenever you're not around_

_Any secret I was keepin'_

_I wanna tell you right now_

Spencer is smiling at me with wide eyes.

_And when I dream about tomorrow_

_I've got you on my mind_

_I am hopelessly devoted_

_Just want you in my life_

I'll take her any way I can get her, but I know there's a lot more in store for us. It takes time.

_What I'm trying to say_

_In my own simple way_

_Is I want you to be my last first kiss_

_I want you to be my last first kiss_

_My heart, yes it's finally found_

_My heart, yes it's finally found_

_Someone I can't live without_

_I promise you nothing new_

_Is gonna come around_

_Making me change my mind_

_Nothing new, only you on my mind_

_What I'm trying to say_

_In my own simple way_

_Is I want you to be my last first kiss_

_I want you to be my last first kiss_

_I want you to be my last first kiss_

_My heart, yes it's finally found_

_My heart, yes it's finally found_

_Someone I can't live without_

I finish the song off and set my guitar down. Spencer is making her way up onto the stage and before I know it, she has me in a bear hug.

"Ashley that was so beautiful. I had no idea you could sing like that." She's holding me out to arm's length. I might be blushing.

"Thanks, so you liked it?"

"I loved it. It was amazing. The lyrics, they were beautiful too."

"Well, I have a pretty good inspiration for that," I tell her honestly. Because anyone who experienced what I have and feels like I do could write the same things as me. Spencer has awoken this new creativity and confidence in me that I didn't know I had.

She smiles and hugs me again. "Do you have more?"

"Yeah if you want to hear them."

"Of course I do! Hold on a second though."

She leaves the stage and returns with a chair that she sets directly in front of mine.

"Okay, I'm ready," She tells me with a giggle.

This song is a little faster paced and something to lighten up the mood.

"I wrote this the night we all went to the movies."

She looks surprised at this comment but smiles all the same.

_I was walking away,_

_But she's so beautiful it made me stay_

_I don't know her name,_

_But I'm hoping she might feel the same_

I knew from the beginning that she was special. I knew I had to know her.

_Here I go again, You got my heart_

_Tonight we'll dance_

_I'll be yours and you'll be mine_

_We won't look back,_

_Take my hand and we will shine_

_Oh, Oh, Oh_

_She needs a wild heart _

_I've got a wild heart_

Spencer starts patting her knee to the music, dancing a little.

_Stay here my dear,_

_Feels like I've been standing right here for years_

_My mind's made up_

_Tell me you feel this, you know I won't give up_

_I won't give up_

_Tonight we'll dance_

_I'll be yours and you'll be mine_

_We won't look back,_

_Take my hand and we will shine_

_Oh, Oh, Oh_

_She needs a wild heart _

_I've got a wild heart_

_Oh, Oh, Oh_

_She needs a wild heart _

_I've got a wild heart_

_I know it's late, I know it's cold_

_So come right here and I swear I'll never let you go_

_The way you move is wonderful_

_Let's do it now, cause one day we'll both be old_

_Oh woah oh_

_Tonight we'll dance_

_I'll be yours and you'll be mine_

_We won't look back,_

_Take my hand and we will shine_

_Oh, Oh, Oh_

_She needs a wild heart_

_I've got a wild heart_

The song ends and Spencer praises me again. We're having a lot of fun and I couldn't be happier. It's obvious that she loves my music and I feel very proud of myself.

"Okay, I could do this all day long but unfortunately this is going to be the last song. I have other places to take you."

"And to clarify, I didn't write this song. I just really wanted to play it for you because it's beautiful and the lyrics mean a lot to me. You might have heard it before."

"ENCORE ENCORE ENCORE," she starts chanting. We both laugh before settling into our seats again.

I start strumming slowly before entering the first verse.

_When you try your best but you don't succeed_

I can tell Spencer already knows this song when her grin turns into a frown.

_When you get what you want but not what you need_

_When you feel so tired but you can't sleep_

_Stuck in reverse_

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone but it goes to waste_

_Could it be worse?_

There are tears in her eyes and it makes me stumble a little.

"Keep going," she tells me.

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

_And high up above or down below_

_When you're too in love to let it go_

_But if you never try you'll never know_

_Just what you're worth_

Just as I start the chorus, Spencer joins in.

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

She continues to sing along with me, obviously feeling the song deeply.

_Tears stream down your face_

_When you lose something you cannot replace_

_Tears stream down your face_

_And I_

Her voice cracks but she still sings, even while she's crying. She is so beautiful and so broken.

_Tears stream down your face_

_I promise you I will learn from my mistakes_

_Tears stream down your face_

_And I_

I stop singing and let her finish the song while I barely strum the end of the song.

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

Tears build up in my eyes as I watch her sniffle and try to get herself together. I set my guitar down and reach for her hands. I pull her up to her feet and hug her. I attempt to sooth her like I did before by gently rocking her back and forth.

After a few minutes, she seems to have calmed down.

"Thank you, Ashley. This has been perfect. You've been so perfect."

"I meant it, Spencer. I'm always going to be here for you. You deserve so much and I want to give it to you, I want to give you the world."

She pulls me into a hug again and we stand there just holding each other before an awkward rumbling in my stomach makes us laugh and tear apart.

"Hungry much?" she asks me.

I laugh off my embarrassment, "Yeah, are you up for some food?"

"Yeah I could definitely go for some food."

We drive across town to a small diner that has the best burgers and even better milkshakes. We don't talk about anything serious during our meal. Mostly, I goof off, trying anything to make her smile.

"Hey Spencer, do you wanna go back to that spot we went to?" I ask, because I really don't want to leave.

"I think that sounds like a great idea, actually."

So I pay our check after rock-paper-scissors with Spencer who insisted she pay, and we leave. It's pretty cold and dark out so we stop and buy a lantern. I already have blankets in my car from our date. Once again, she follows me through the woods to the clearing.

I light the lantern and lay down the blankets before taking a seat. Spencer lies down with her head in my lap. Its quiet for a few moments before she breaks the silence.

"I'm sorry for crying again. I feel like a big baby because I always end up crying around you. "

"Spencer, please don't ever apologize for showing how you feel." I start running my fingers through her hair. I don't know how her hair is so soft, its like angel's hair or something.

She seems satisfied with my answer because she doesn't say anything back.

Another couple of minutes pass before she sits up. She scoots so that she's sitting Indian style in front of me with our knees touching.

"I just want to look at you," she explains.

I smile and nod.

She studies my face, touching my cheek and hair, for a while before meeting my eyes. Her eyes have changed to a dark shade of blue. She doesn't have to tell me what she's thinking because I can read it from her eyes.

Her hand snakes its way through my hair to rest on the back of my neck. We never break eye contact. She licks her lips and I follow suit.

Our lips meet slowly, exploring. It's not long until I feel her tongue scrap my bottom lip and I happily grant her access. The kiss explodes when our tongues touch and I can't control the feelings I'm getting. Moans escape both of our mouths and soon I have her pinned to the ground.

Fire burns in the pit of my stomach and continues to my center. Spencer is showing the same signs as I am. One hand is in my hair gently tugging while the other is up my shirt scratching my back. Somehow she flips us over so she's on top of me and her lips leave mine as they find my neck. I slyly place my leg in between hers and slide it so that my thigh connects with her. This earns a throaty grunt and a nip to my neck.

I'm so turned on right now and even though I know we shouldn't be going this far, I don't have the strength to stop it. My hands go to her hips and I guide them so that she's grinding on my thigh. Spencer throws her head back as she moans my name. It's the sexiest thing I've ever seen or heard in the history of my life.

Shit. I can't do this right now.

"Spencer, hey, Spence. We have to stop. Please," I beg her. She seems reluctant but eventually she rolls off the top of me.

We sit there panting, trying to calm down. I need a cold shower right now.

"Wow," is all Spencer says.

"I'm so sorry, Spencer. I really didn't mean to take it that far but god, you're irresistible."

She blushes and smiles at me.

"I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of that, Ashley. It was fucking sexy," she says with a smirk.

What?! Spencer Carlin, the naughty girl. I like!

"Oh, trust me. I completely agree with you." We both laugh.

I check the time on my phone and I'm surprised to see that it's nearly 1am.

"Shit Spence, I better be getting you home."

"Boo, okay. Every good night has to end sometime," she tells me with a pout.

She stands and helps me up before pulling me in for a soft kiss. Swoon.

After we gathered up everything and walked back to the car, I drove her home and guess what?

I got another kiss/tiny make out session before she went inside.

"Goodnight Ash," she tells me and hugs me.

"Goodnight, Spence," I tell her as I kiss her forehead.

Leaning against my car, I watch her until she makes it inside, then I get in the car and drive home.

That was way better than I could have ever imagined.

**Review please!**


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